Trick your tastebuds with the nicest of nice creams!

They say kill ’em with kindness. You won’t drop dead but your eyes may involuntarily cross with pleasure and disbelief.

The good news? You’ve found the right recipe if you want a deceptively creamy dessert with fewer calories and more protein than Halo Top. The bad news? You’re out of luck if you have a small appetite and/or do not possess an ice cream maker. I found my churn-o-matic charmer at a garage sale for fifteen bucks, but you can find a decent one online for fifty dollars. It’s cheaper than that new-fangled Ninja Creami thingamajig. I swear- that 200$ machine may seem magical, but so do cults. Until I can find one at a spuriously low price, and even if I do, I’ll stick to this heat-beating bite of heaven.

8 oz. (1 cup) Ripple pea protein milk

8 oz. (1 cup) unsweetened vanilla almond milk

2 scoops of plant-based protein powder, such as Orgain (46 grams)

Optional but recommended: 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract, a few splashes of maple extract, and a dash of salt to balance the sweetness

A little extra sweetener never hurt. Lookin’ at you, liquid stevia, and those cute green packets of potent goodness I pocket in bulk from the coffee shop free additions counter.

1. Bust out a big measuring cup, preferably with a spout. Stir all ingredients until you’re sweating and the mixture has formed a homogenous hurricane.
2. Pour into your ice cream maker and let the edible whirlpool calm down and cream up for about 20 minutes.

Congratulations! You just made a generous pint of summer sweetness with 30 grams of protein, more calcium than 2 glasses of milk, and no aggravating added sugars. For scoopable ice cream, pack it into a 2-3 cup container and stick it in the freezer for no more than 30 minutes. Or spoon the freshly-churned dairy-free ice cream into a frosting bag and pipe it into a tall serving glass like those fancy froyo machines;)

You can serve this pre or post-weightlifting workout since it’s low in carbs and stuffed with muscle-building macros.

No pressure to comment… I get sick of blogs saying “Leave a rating and a review!” Who the heck has time for that? You may also notice that my posts never showcase a bazillion photos of the same item from different angles or a long, redundant list explaining each component of the recipe. Oh, how I tire of the scrolling, scrolling, scrolling down until you finally reach the coveted “how-to-make-the-thing-I’ve-been-teasing-you-about-for-five-pages” box.

Then again, to each their own cone! It’s someone else’s livelihood. That being written, if you are unsure about an ingredient or substitution, don’t shy away from asking. I consistently rehash my creations with teensy tweaks, so chances are I can help out.

Best Dishes,

The Hippie Happy Foodist