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“Cheez-It” Kale Chips (Baked or Raw)

Based on a secret recipe from a St. Petersburg gem, these cheddar kale chips will fulfill your nutrient needs and snack-in-a-box cravings.

Down the street from our hotel and concealed by palm trees lay a hideaway cafe. Having been desperate for Vitamin K and separated from my resident bag of nooch (aka nutritional yeast, for the raised eyebrows,) I jumped for joy, despite the heat, upon spotting a small package of housemade savory kale chips. When I ripped open the pouch and poured them into my mouth, my eyes crossed with disbelief. This flavor was familiar; a long-abandoned but undeniably loved boxed treasure, the humble Cheez-it. A quick peak at the ingredients list, some recipe experimentation, and one perfected batch later, that nostalgic taste once again graced my buds. For obvious reasons, I won’t name the restaurant, but they made a mean raw vegan taco salad with walnut “meat” and pickled onions. Try to use all the ingredients listed below for the most authentic taste. You’re going for the TASTE of those cheesy childhood crackers and the TEXTURE of a thin potato chip. Makes 2 decent half-plate servings at about 100 calories and 6g protein!

  • 75 grams (3 cups) kale, stems removed
  • 6 tbsp water
  • 2 tbsp raw cashews
  • 3 green onions, roughly chopped
  • 2 tbsps nutritional yeast
  • 1 minced garlic clove
  • 1/4 tsp each: turmeric, iodized or sea salt, black pepper, chipotle powder
  • 2 tsp lemon juice
  1. Strip the kale leaves from the thorax aka stalk (save them for this recipe!)
  2. Blend remaining ingredients into an almost smooth sauce, then pour it over the bowl of greens.
  3. Okay, time to get your hands dirty. And yellow. Rub the liquid Cheez-it magic into each piece ‘o kale.
  4. Are you patient or practical? Sorry, I mean, do you want to bake or dehydrate? Either way, I recommend a silicon baking mat to deter a bad case of the stickies.

To bake: 30-40 minutes at 300F. (see note below)

To dehydrate: 6-8 hours on middle rack (see note below)

Note: Now, some like ’em soggy, some like ’em stiff. Lean on the longer side for crunchy, shorter for chewy chips- whatever makes you chipper:) Let them crisp up for a hot minute, then delicately shovel them into your face.

The whole batch is just 220 calories, 12 grams of protein (thank you, kale, cashews, and nooch,) plus enough iron to give you a steel immune system. I use iodized salt for… you guessed it… the iodine. But, I respect the “Himalayan sea salt only!” crowd. Either way, be sure to floss or brush after eating! These babies will really push rainbow on ya: yellow hands, green teeth.

Best Dishes,

The Hippie Happy Foodist™

4 Comments

  1. Hehe I love these chips. The be the best when we growing up together.

    1. Aww…yeah! These really do taste like cheez-its- they’re different from the pizza ones (maybe I’ll post those, too!) Miss you:)

  2. […] So, ya like green grub, huh? Here, have some Cheez-it kale chips. […]

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The Hippie Happy Foodist